Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
