She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
