Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
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I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
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So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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