i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
