I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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