i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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