everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize