tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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