sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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