I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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