I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
