She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
