I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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