i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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