i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
