He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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