By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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