I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I want her autograph on my taint
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
