You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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