OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
