Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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