I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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