We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
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just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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