So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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