You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
