her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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