Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
