Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize