if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
