I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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