I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
