White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
