did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
