i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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