I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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