So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
