i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
