Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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