Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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