ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
