It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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