Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
