Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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