So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
