Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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