you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
