Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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