Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
