Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
