For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All I want is dick and wine.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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