I accidentally had phone sex last night
it wasn't lemon gatorade
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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