Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
