She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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