guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
