Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
