He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
