No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
