I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
