Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
